Part Four, Chapter 23.
Mal's confession to Nova.
I won't tell the details of the chapter.
The feelings...they're all coming back to me. After some time. But why now?? When I'm almost gotten over him completely..and here they come again.
I wonder...when we were 16, you did talk to me, but I couldn't catch a thing, because you're not even facing me. I..I..had never understood anything you tried to talk to me, because to me, it sounded that you're mumbling.
When we were 17, you had the first sneak peek of our class's Biology mark. You came to me only to tell me about my marks. And I said thanks.
Now that I'm trying to gather all the memories, I realise, they aren't many of them tho.
[I was backing away from the so-called friendship, because I knew very well, I would simply ruin another friendship.]
[I convinced myself that everything you did to me, you just did the same to other girls. In a much better way.]
[I fought with you through the phone because I needed to hide my nervous voice.]
[I kept telling myself at that time, Shim Changmin was my ultimate soulmate, that's why my blog entries were all about him back then.]
[I even made Shim Changmin as my imaginary friend, because that's the only way to keep myself away from you.]
[I deleted your phone number, your messages in my inbox, just to forget you.]
[I tried so hard to have a crush on my classmates, just because I wanted to avoid you, only to find out that the features my crushes had, were all reminding me back to you.]
But why I can't just get over you...why do you keep coming back into my life in such an unexpected way...???
I really wish we had stayed they way we were back in high school. It's such a regret I chose to converse with you through YM, only to see myself being like this. It's a mistake..
I hate you..I hope I would forget you completely.
I wonder once in a while, do you ever remember anything..have you ever felt the same thing as I always have..
I guess, the answer is NO.
F says :
I blame that specific chapter of the novel for making me like this.
Thanks, Dorothy Koomson.