Monday, September 15, 2008

self conflicts part 1

i didn't know why. but i felt a total loss as i walked away from the car last night. at first, i thought it was normal and i tried to talk to my roomie as usual. and to my surprise, i did talked a lot last night before i got to sleep. i just couldn't sleep last night. i wondered why. as i shut my eyes, i saw his shadows. we're just spending just few hours together. and i could feel how hard for me to leave him. why ha?? he's warm and friendly. caring and loving. having a good sense of humour. athletic figure.or maybe, was it because i had no big brother, so that's why i missed him like crazy?? i didn't know. all i could see around me was only his face. he's way much older than me. 10 years or more. i didn't know. but the way he treated and entertained me as if we had known each other for quite a long time. yes, we did. because we had this blood realtionship. it's not possible. but during the older days, it's hard to see him. he was in a boarding school. and then he flew to the overseas. or could it be, he missed his only sister,and that's why he cared for me just like he did to his little sister?? again, i didn't know. this guy whom i called mr lurz is now working with an airline company. but not as a pilot. an ENGIneer to be exact. i'm now disturbed. i am now distracted.

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